Conversations welcoming all our parts and sensations - COMING SOON
I had this felt sense impulse in me to start recording conversations….
Then the familiar ”well you don’t know how to do something like that” and ”why would you do that, what’s the point?” crept up on me.
And well, I couldn’t actually respond to why I would do it and what the point of it would be…
But here’s the thing:
The way I see it, in our culture we tend to celebrate competence and being able to do things and knowing.
And being clear about things!
So when I have a felt sense impulse to connect with others, a felt sense that doesn’t come through the verbal framework and the logical mind, most often, what happens for me is that I end up leaving myself to join others in the mental realm instead
And I suppress my felt senses.
Because I tend to believe that the mental dimension holds the superior knowledge and I tend to link my self-worth to my mind’s intelligence.
Besides seeing the mind’s intelligence as superior I believe that the culture that we have been living in for a long time IS BASED ON THE IDEA OF DOMINATION.
And that the way that this gets passed on is by using power over, especially emotional power over such as:
Ideas of wrongness (or perfection)
Using ”should” or ”shouldn’t”
In the domination culture we have learnt that, if things don’t look a certain way or if we don’t act a certain way then we’re gonna get punished somehow and we are gonna get shamed
This can of course cause doubt in me on my journey to (re)learn how to follow non-linear felt senses, intuition and inspiration, that do not always look logical to the mind!
Also, in this old domination paradigm of punishments and rewards, guilt and shame WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE OBEDIENT
AND IN ORDER TO BE COMPLIANT AND OBEY THE RULES WE WERE REQUIRED TO DENY OUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS
Furthermore these ways of thinking and operating become internalized into our psyche AND WE LIVE A LOT OF OUR LIVES DOING AND TALKING LIKE THIS TO OURSELVES
By believing this internal dialoge and by believing the distorted message that there is definitely something wrong with us WE CAN LOSE CONNECTION WITH OURSELVES, WITH WHAT WE WANT AND WHAT WE DON’T WANT.
WE CAN LOSE CONNECTION TO OUR OUR BODY.
I find that unfortunate because the way I see it, the answers that we seek reside in the whole body.
And that our body holds our unconscious material.
We store in our body that which is too painful to live with in the conscious mind.
We store it in the body by tensing our muscles and by going up into the thinking mind instead.
We avoid feeling that which is too painful to live with in the conscious mind by:
working really hard
So that we can function in the world.
A world that is built by
working really hard
A world that can of course cause doubt in a person being on a journey to (re)learn how to follow non-linear felt senses, intuition and inspiration, that do not always look logical to the mind.
I find that unfortunate because the way I see it, the answers that we seek reside in our body.
We can’t THINK our way out of our current challenges.
When we take action from THINKING there’s a greater risk that unconscious, conditioned parts of us continue to perpetuate actions that are no longer serving us.
And when all of our energy leaves our hips, our pelvic bowl, our belly and our hearts and moves up into our shoulders and into our heads and we become concerned only with
anticipating what comes next
WE BECOME DISEMBODIED.
We can then no longer feel ourselves in the body.
It’s in the body that we feel ALIVENESS, PRESENCE, INTEGRITY AND COMPASSION.
It’s in the body that we connect with our core and our values.
So we may be figuring things out and taking the most practical and seemingly logical steps,
BUT THE FULL US IS NOT THERE TO MAKE THE DECISION.
THE FULL US IS NOT THERE TO MAKE THE DECISION.
So when I had this felt sense impulse in me to start recording conversations….
And the familiar ”well you don’t know how to do something like that” and ”why would you do that, what’s the point?” crept up on me
And I couldn’t respond to why I would do it or to what the point would be,
I decided not to shrink and stop because of that.
But to instead go ahead anyway….
And I wanna invite into these conversations all the parts and sensations that we usually try to avoid by:
Letting go of figuring out what to do when they arise
Dropping into the body
Giving the body space to let us know what’s needed
Listening to that body wisdom as it speaks to us
And from there, allowing something to unfold
So I want these conversations to be a laboratory where we explore what’s true between us and what wants to happen, in each moment, without having an agenda of any specific outcome, without twisting existence by going into patterns.
Instead of being dictated by protocols I want these conversations to allow something through, something that I usually may try to contain and control
Maybe because some parts of me are terrified of the unknown?
Well I wanna welcome those terrified parts too and remember that TRUE CONFIDENCE LIVES IN THE BODY, IT’S A FELT SENSE EXPERIENCE.
And that true confidence leaves room for the possibility of something entirely new to emerge that may wonderfully turn what seemed certain all upside down.
So no, I have no idea how to do this…
What I do know though is that by recording these conversations I will get to practice staying connected to the FULL ME while doing something that a lot of parts of me find terrifying, illogical and unclear…
And I wanna invite into these conversations all those parts and sensations that I usually try to avoid.
And all those parts that I usually hide from others
to appear polished,
to appear as if I got it together
to appear functional and confident in the world.
Because what if welcoming all those parts that I usually hide is the portal into something entirely new that may wonderfully turn what seemed certain (and logical) all upside down…
And in any case, underneath is one of my favourite place to be.